See if any of this parody sounds familiar:
It’s been seven days since the Super Bowl ended. Silly you. You thought it was over. You actually thought Kansas City, Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift won? You might have even seen them out celebrating at a Las Vegas nightclub until 5 a.m.
So, Kansas City had to be the winner of the Super Bowl, right?
There were lots of witnesses who saw K.C. win. Over 120 million watched just on television — the most watching a TV show since the 1969 moon landing. So, there were plenty of witnesses.
But it turns out everyone got it wrong.
K.C. only won at the end of the game. They had the 3-point lead, 25-22. But what made you think that was final? In the NFL, they’re allowed to keep counting for days past the final whistle. Didn’t you know that? No score is final in the NFL until all the scores have been counted in the locker room.
You don’t just play the game on the field. There’s also “mail-in scores.” And you have seven days after the final whistle to count them.
And today on the seventh day after the Super Bowl ended, San Francisco got three mail-in touchdowns and a mail-in field goal.
It all happened in the middle of the night — with no witnesses. The refs counting the scores suddenly found a water pipe explosion in the showers adjacent to the locker room and ordered everyone to go home for the night. They promised to not count scores until everyone came back in the morning.
Then they pasted pizza boxes on the windows of the locker room so no one could see in while they counted late scores.
When officials of the Kansas City Chiefs returned in the morning, they were shocked to find out they lost. It turns out the refs kept counting after all — with no witnesses.
Sound familiar?
And what they found was shocking. The whole nation is talking about it.
In the middle of the night, they suddenly found a mail-in touchdown from an illegal alien wide receiver (they called him “an undocumented player”).
The refs also “football harvested” another mail-in touchdown by a dead running back.
Then at 3 a.m., a van pulled up that said “NFL” on the side and delivered another mail-in touchdown from a “trans tight end” who had moved to another team.
Finally, the refs checked the “football drop boxes” outside the stadium and found a mail-in field goal.
That’s three extra mail-in touchdowns and a mail-in field goal — all of them remarkably for San Francisco. Wow, San Francisco sure scored a lot of points in the locker room after the game, when no one was watching. How convenient.
Sound familiar?
What a spectacular comeback! That turned a 25-22 K.C. Chiefs victory into a 46-25 landslide victory for San Francisco.
Kansas City officials bitterly complained there were no witnesses in the locker room to verify these scores.
They also complained about illegal alien players scoring. And dead players scoring. And players scoring for the 49ers who had recently moved to another team and no longer played for San Francisco. Kansas City officials complained that the player rolls have never been cleaned.
Sound familiar?
K.C. officials also complained about the 49ers “trans tight end” who was born a woman but now identifies as a man. They charged San Francisco’s trans tight end illegally touched balls.
Kansas City also complained there was no “signature match” on the footballs to prove these were official NFL scores.
Kansas City head coach Andy Reid complained, “And what about the pizza boxes on the windows? We tried to watch the counting of mail-in scores after the game, but we couldn’t see into the locker room.”
Taylor Swift warned she was going to write a song called “How Travis Kelce Lost an Unfair Rigged Super Bowl.”
Here’s what happened next: All hell broke loose.
The media responded by calling Kansas City “sore losers,” “conspiracy theorists” and “final score deniers.”
Taylor Swift was fired by her record label for spreading “misinformation.”
Coach Reid, quarterback Patrick Mahomes and tight end Travis Kelce were all indicted by a San Francisco grand jury for trying to investigate a rigged football game.
The judge (who is a lifelong 49ers fan) instructed the jury to “send these brutes from Kansas City to prison for life for questioning the integrity of our amazing victory and spreading football misinformation.”
NFL Commissioner Roger “Rigged” Goodell reported that NFL owners voted to disqualify the Chiefs from any future Super Bowls because “that mean-spirited orange man” coach Reid gave a speech inspiring K.C. fans to riot.
The NFL commissioner called Kansas City’s actions an “NFL insurrection.”
And the United States Supreme Court refused to hear the case; they ruled that 45 players on the Kansas City Chiefs had “no standing.” And the court said they don’t want to get involved in changing final scores determined in the locker room.
Does any of this sound absurd to you? Are you laughing out loud at this farce? This could never happen, right?
Except for elections.
This is EXACTLY how Democrats won the 2020 election. And many other elections since then — specifically, the Kari Lake 2022 Arizona gubernatorial election, which was so obviously rigged and stolen, it’s impossible to believe it was allowed in the United States of America.
The question remains, what are we going to do about it? Has anything changed since 2020? And how will we secure the 2024 election so this never happens again?
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